ER visit tomorrow.

Ok so I am one to hide when something is wrong from Sky, He has this evil way of pestering me until I either call the doctor of get aggravated and he gets the point to stop pestering for an hour. Since our miscarriage in very early August some funky things have been going on. I have been switched to 2 different medicines to try to stop the problem. With the problem not ceasing to stop I now have to look at the long term possible issues here.

If you go to WebMD and type in my symptoms you get 4 STDs (Which I have 0 of) 1 preterm labor (Not pregnant) 1 "foreign object" stuck somewhere it shouldnt be (DO you REALLY need WebMD to tell you there is a large object stuck somewhere it shouldnt be??) and 4-5 different cancers.......(this one is what got me)

  

DO you know what the cure is for any kind of uterine cancer? Well step one is a complete hysterectomy (Remove your uterus and your cervix) I need both of those to have the daughter I have always dreamed about, Hell to have the other child (Boy or Girl) I have always dreamt of. Step 2 (If the cancer remains) is to start chemo/radiation/and hormone treatment.

  

Tonight in the shower I swear I stood there crying for a good 20 mins. I just couldnt get over the fact that "IF" I was to have cancer then I would never see the sweet face of baby#2. Then I went on to think.........I just had to go to the doctor, I might love my second child to the moon and back before he/she is here but there not the ones that would be affected by the absence of a momma. My sweet boy

Yes that one right there, would be the one who is crushed. I am the one who he clings to when he has a bad dream, The one who dries his tears when someone told him no (Usually me that does that to) I have no doubt in my mind that Sky wouldnt do an amazing job, But I am sure he to would like me here.

So finally I decided to shave my legs and put my big girl panties on, Then I chickened out when I got in the car. (I have a major fear of doctors....any kind of doctor) I also am petrified of having a male doctor (No offense if you are one) I am just a modest girl and you probably don't wanna look at my private areas as much as I don't want you to......

Needless to say, I will let you know (If its not to personal) What it is tomorrow night, For now. I will lay here (since I cant sleep) and troll BBC some more :) Oh and WOOOHOOOOO for my first fan ♥ YAYYYY